So I have been watching the reactions and actions about the #metoo campaign unfold and more recently the Tony Robbins incident.
I sort of stood on the sidelines.
I asked myself why?
Because I don’t like confrontation; conflict, being challenging, argumentative, being caught in dramas.
But I also am recognising more and more I dislike discrediting others; I dislike devaluing others. I strive to be clean in my actions. Lately I have failed a lot.. actually, in life I have not always managed to keep up to the best and highest intentions and standards i want to strive to live by..
my argument with myself is how can i portray an idea or image of absolute perfection when in behaviour, actions, thoughts i am not and have not always acted from the best, wholesome part of me.
So if I stand still and own how i feel or think about the #metoo campaign; what is my stance?
On the whole – it’s about time we all stood up and spoke up… men started trying it on with me when i was 15! I was naive, inexperienced and conditioned to “do as I was told to do/as the man told me to do”, what chance does a child or a naive woman with that mindset have to protect herself.
This is not easy to write “out loud”. i feel a strain of shame shoot through me as I “expose” my truth.
This was not my first nor my last time a man tried to coerce me into sexual submission. So ultimately The #metoo campaign was a long time coming.
Lets not let it die.
On the converse side it was amazing to see the amount of men who unlike Tony Robbins, do not believe the campaign was being used to beat up on men.
I am not sharing my opinion to beat up on men. I have had numerous conversations with men asking to understand the extent of this plague and how they can adjust their behaviour to not victimise women.
This is not a blanket statement on the victimisation or sexual coercion by men.
It is my opinion –
it happened to me;
it’s time we stopped it.
The burden of change does not lay purely with men, also on us women to find support; create support be open
The other part of the campaign for me, was the lack of support women afforded each other in the guise of
jealousy and judgement- caused by stupendously erroneous ideas that we women have to compete for “the few good men available”.
This amongst other outdated, highly dubious beliefs such as “good men are inevitably maltreated by the woman they are with” or “their needs are being denied by the odious wife or partner” who is portrayed as a control freak and slave driver gives rise to the untenable idea that if
“I’m the other woman, I’m somehow the chosen one and that makes me a special person”
“I will be the one that “rescues” him because he is suffering poor dear”.
I would love to know where these foundational ideas rose from. They are part of the typical “divide and conquer” strategies used globally, being instilled on micro level.
Because of this:
We feel ashamed to share our truths when propositioned or attacked by men or women in power or need. Sometimes we succumb.
I would ask any woman at present “rescuing” a man from a purportedly “painful relationship”. Take some time to get to know the “monsterous-her-in-doors” you might learn some truths that will shatter your glass house of dreams. But perhaps with the courage of getting to know that person, you might save yourself months of waiting, confusions, hurts and who know, find a friend where previously you might have seen an enemy..
Finding yourself breaking through old beliefs that no longer support the divide and conquer strategies.
You may become a wiser being, a proponent of healthier female relationships and ideals.
Who knows this might lead to real breakthroughs in the #metoo campaign?
Are you up for challenging your outdated beliefs?
Are you up for extending a space for your “perceived enemy” to perhaps be an educator; a saviour or even a friend?.